When I turned 40, I felt the urge to document the biggest lessons I’ve learned about life from the lens of my own knowledge and experience.

Many of these are uncomfortable and I wish I learned them sooner.

My goal is to add one each year around my birthday so the number of lessons matches my age. Basically a collection of notes to self that grows alongside me.

Hopefully, others can benefit from them as well.

Here’s my list to date as of age 43:

1. “When given the choice between being right or being kind, choose kind.” -Dr. Wayne Dyer

This was my dad’s favorite quote, so much that we embedded it on his tombstone (RIP).

He also embodied it better than anyone I know.

I still struggle with this, but I like to think I am improving.

2. The country you grow up in has a massive influence on the trajectory of your life.

Even growing up poor in a first world country means you likely had a cell phone and access to clean water.

Relative to the global population, you won the geographic lottery.

3. Your friend group in adolescence can make or break you early on.

To this day, I attribute most of my so called “success” in life to the fact that my best friends in high school were GPA maximizing nerds.

4. Playing a competitive sport, especially a team sport, will teach you more about life than anything you’ll learn in a classroom.

I played competitive soccer for most of my teenage years.

I didn’t always enjoy it, but I am eternally grateful for it.

5. Introverts are easily misunderstood because they energize and recharge in ways that are not socially acceptable.

If you’re an introvert, recognize this and embrace it.

6. You can’t make everyone happy so don’t try.

Given that you’re always going to disappoint someone, don’t let it be yourself.

Disappointing yourself is easy. Disappointing others takes courage.

7. Cultivate a growth mindset.

No one is going to have a bigger impact on your quality of life than you. Don’t limit yourself.

“If you put your mind to it you can accomplish anything.” -Marty McFly

8. You will never have control over what happens to you. You will always have control over how you respond.

Another thing my dad used to repeat to me when I was a kid.

9. True independence isn’t just about doing whatever you want. It’s also not being a burden on others.

Your objective should be to create abundance for everyone around you, not just for yourself.

10. Social debt is a real thing.

Keep your inner circle small and meaningful.

Despite what society has led you to believe, being rich and anonymous is far better than being rich and famous.

11. Invest a minimum of 10% of your earnings starting with the first dollar you earn as a kid.

This habit is the foundation of wealth building and very few people do it.

Your biggest gains from compound interest are won or lost during a period of life when you are young and immature.

12. Money is not evil. Money is useful.

The earlier you start taking money seriously, the less stress you will have later in life.

13. Don’t waste your time on get rich quick schemes.

There is no shortage of greedy people and sleazy marketers out there.

If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

14. Money can’t directly buy happiness, but it can eliminate problems that cause unhappiness.

If you have a problem that you can afford to pay to solve, you don’t have a problem.

15. Happiness equals reality minus expectations.

The simplest way to become happier is to not expect anything of anyone around you (including your loved ones).

16. There’s nothing wrong with not being obsessed with your career.

Your job shouldn’t be miserable, but it doesn’t need to be your primary source of fulfillment either.

17. “The most important factor in a relationship is not communication, but respect.”

After he got married, Mark Manson asked his audience for relationship advice.

This stood out among couples with the longest marriages.

18. You only have one body to inhabit your entire life.

Not taking utmost care of your body is equivalent to shitting where you eat.

I wish I had realized this in my teens instead of my 30s.

19. Taking good care of yourself is not selfish.

It ensures you’ll have more energy to give to your loved ones.

Secure your oxygen mask before helping others.

20. When it comes to health, mastering the boring basics trumps everything else.

Only after these are dialed do you earn the right to get more esoteric and even then, 90% of your effort should remain on the fundamentals.

21. “What gets measured gets managed.” -Peter Drucker

People think I’m insane, but tracking my nutrition, sleep, steps, workouts, income, and spending in Excel every day is the best thing I’ve done for my self awareness.

22. Calories are the primary driver of weight gain and weight loss.

Of course food quality matters for overall health. But make no mistake if a certain type of diet “works,” it’s because of calories.

No matter what, there will always be people who disagree with this.

23. Health is more than just diet and exercise.

You must take a holistic approach and fix your sleep, detox, stress management, and circadian rhythm.

Light environment is a huge factor most people overlook. Follow Zaid K. Dahhaj for a free masterclass on this.

24. Start lifting weights in your teens and never stop.

Find a way to make it enjoyable so you keep doing it forever.

Building muscle only gets harder as you get older.

25. Walking is great and the more you do, the better. But walking on its own is not sufficient exercise.

Find a way to get your heart rate up a few times per week.

26. Playing a sport you enjoy is the single biggest fitness hack you’ll ever find.

It’s exercise without the effort.

Just don’t overdo it and get hurt. That defeats the purpose.

27. “Sleep when you’re dead” is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.

Follow this advice and you’ll be “sleeping” a lot sooner than you’d like.

Prioritize your sleep and make it a non-negotiable.

28. Modern conveniences are both a blessing and a curse.

Make yourself a little bit uncomfortable each day so you don’t get too soft.

Certain acute stressors are good. All chronic stressors are bad.

29. Goals are overrated. Habits are underrated.

When you set out to make any kind of lifestyle change, ask yourself, “Is this something I can stick with for the rest of my life?”

30. Willpower is overrated. Systems are underrated.

Build systems to accomplish the things that are important to you so they get done regardless of how you feel.

31. People do not behave rationally so don’t expect them to.

That said, human behavior becomes much more predictable when you understand incentives.

32. Learn to be an independent thinker.

Ingest information from both sides and formulate your own thoughts and opinions.

You don’t have to like someone to agree with them.

33. Embrace nuance, especially with complex issues.

Looking at things as net positive or net negative will train your brain to do this.

The world isn’t black and white.

34. You don’t have to care about everything or have an opinion about everything.

“I don’t know enough about that to have a strong opinion” is a perfectly reasonable response.

35. Apply first principles thinking to lifestyle design.

In other words, find ways to do more of the things you like with the people you like regardless of societal norms.

36. Losing a parent is one of the hardest things you will ever experience.

Nothing can prepare you for it. But you will grow from it.

Be thankful for every moment you have with your loved ones.

37. Becoming a parent flips a powerful primal switch inside of you that you didn’t know existed.

Immediate 10x of love, joy, responsibility, and anxiety all at once.

No other feeling like it.

38. “By the time you graduate high school, you’ve spent 93% of the in-person time you’ll ever spend with your parents.”

Read The Tail End by Tim Urban (Wait But Why) and meditate on it from both the perspective of a child and a parent.

39. The internet can be the most uplifting or most toxic place in the world.

It can be a great tool for productivity or a total waste of time.

It can give you superpowers or ruin your life.

It all depends on how you use it.

40. “Everything meaningful in my life comes from writing online.” -David Perell

Start writing online.

Be consistent and keep at it.

If you do this, you’ll get opportunities you never thought possible.

41. “What got you here won’t get you there.”

The more progress you make in strength, cardio, body composition, etc., the harder it is to break through to the next level.

If you want to keep progressing, you need to continually expand your skill sets and capabilities by forcing yourself outside of your comfort zone.

Elite performers are elite for a reason. They literally dedicated their entire lives to it.

42. Embrace your weirdness.

Life is too short to care what other people think about you.

And the irony is they care way less than you think they do because they are too busy worrying about themselves.

43. The window when you are your kids’ entire world is much smaller than you think.

Everyone with kids says “it goes by fast.” And it’s true. But here’s something a bit more tangible.

Before age four, my daughter needed to be “watched” all the time. After age five, she still likes us around, but she has more fun when her friends are there.

The window when she was old enough to be a fun companion, but young enough that she only wanted to hang out with her parents was literally less than 12 months.